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Emotional intelligence & intelligent feelings!

Emotional intelligence means the level of awareness, control, expression of feelings, and the judicious and empathetic management of interpersonal relationships. The term was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman in the 1990s in his book Emotional Intelligence. In this book, Goleman describes the five components of emotional intelligence as follows:

self conscious

Conscious people recognize and understand their own emotions and stimuli. These people know their strengths and weaknesses and can observe their behavior patterns and motivations. In addition, conscious people are aware of the impact of their feelings and actions on those around them.


Self-regulation means the ability to control and regulate emotions to create a positive effect. Emotion control is essential in any situation; Because emotions have a huge impact on others. Individuals can use self-regulation to develop their emotional reactions according to the conditions of the data; For example, self-regulating individuals can control their pauses and impulses when needed. Also, think before you act and think about the consequences. In addition, reducing stress, managing conflict, dealing with difficult scenarios, adapting to changes in one’s environment and other factors are also the results of self-regulation. In fact, self-regulation manages people’s emotions.


Motivation means the desire to do an activity. This desire is related to emotional intelligence, because people’s desires can create different feelings on different topics. Humans should always strive to look for the positive in their situation and perform at their best.


Empathy allows people to recognize and understand the feelings of others. Understanding other people’s feelings allows people to effectively manage their situations in the workplace.

Social skills

Social skills are the tools that people use to communicate and interact with others. With the right social skills, people can learn the skills of properly listening to others, speaking and resolving conflicts. Social skills can be used in the workplace to develop a career. This skill is an essential tool for managers and leaders in any industry and business. This skill is characteristic of people who care and respect others and get along well with them.

Emotional smartness

A quick look at history

Emotional intelligence as a term did not enter the vernacular until around 1990. Despite the term’s newness, public interest in the concept has grown exponentially since then.

Early growth

The famous American psychologist Edward Thorndike in the early thirties described the concept of social intelligence as the ability to deal with others. During the 1940s, another famous psychologist, David Wexler, suggested that the various components of intelligence could play an important role in a person’s success in life.

Later Developments

The 1950s saw the emergence of a school of thought known as humanistic psychology, and thinkers such as Abraham Maslow focused more on the different ways in which individuals can develop emotional strength.

Another important concept that emerged in the development of emotional intelligence is the concept of multiple intelligences. This concept was introduced by Howard Gardner in the mid-1970s. Introduce the idea that intelligence includes a set of more than one general ability.

The rise of emotional intelligence

The term was first used in 1985 by Wayne Payne in his doctoral thesis. Subsequently, Kate Beasley used the term emotional coefficient in an article published in 1987 in the journal Mensa (International Association of the Gifted)

In 1990, psychologists Peter Salway and John Mayer published their landmark article, Emotional Intelligence, in the Journal of Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. They defined the concept as:

“The ability to observe the feelings and emotions of oneself and others, to distinguish between them, and to use this information to guide our thoughts and actions.”

The concept was introduced in 1995 after the publication of Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why Can It Be More Important than IQ? became popular.

What is the difference between IQ and EQ?

You might think that smart people are better at problem solving and thinking than others. Today, IQ is no longer the only superior intelligence. Another type of intelligence called emotional intelligence relates to emotions and how you relate to others. The importance of this information is increasing day by day and it is very important for companies.

IQ is a score obtained from standardized tests designed to measure intelligence. IQ is directly related to the intellectual abilities of marketers. This intelligence includes the quality of learning, understanding and using information. People with high IQs can think abstractly and communicate more easily.

Emotional intelligence is very different from the above concept. This concept, sometimes called EI (emotional intelligence) or EQ (emotional intelligence factor), is similar to using emotions to reason and reinforce thinking. People with high emotional intelligence can manage their emotions and use them to make it easier to think and understand the feelings of others.

The importance of emotional intelligence

Today, the importance of this information is more important than ever, because in today’s era, companies basically work as a team. Smart managers are well aware of the importance of this concept. These managers tend to have happy employees who work with them for longer and, while reducing wear costs, work harder and increase productivity. An article in Forbes (an American media company and magazine) cites examples of salespeople who have higher emotional intelligence and have performed much better than other salespeople. According to the journal, in a study of 515 managers, emotional intelligence predicts more success than experience or IQ.

Today, most companies consider this information as one of the most important hiring criteria, and now about 20% of organizations test this information as part of their hiring process. Today, even the smartest people need this skill to succeed, and a high IQ alone is not enough.

Emotional intelligence skills

A high IQ is what humans are born with, although educational efforts are not ineffective. Emotional intelligence begins in childhood with human upbringing, and humans can become more emotionally intelligent by taking action when they reach adulthood. Justin Pariso, author of Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide to the Real World, offers ways to improve this intelligence:

Think about your feelings.

This is the first step to self-awareness. To develop this intelligence, think about your feelings and how you react to negative situations. This situation could include a co-worker, a family member, or a stranger. By knowing your usual feelings and reactions, you can begin to control them.

Look for other people’s opinions.

We usually perceive it as a completely different reality from what we see around us. Learn to handle emotional situations by receiving feedback from others.


After strengthening your self-awareness and how to deal with it, pay more attention to your feelings.


Think before you act or speak. This may be difficult at first, but with practice you can make it a habit.

Learn from criticism.

Usually people are reluctant to listen to criticism, but this is inevitable. When we learn from criticism rather than defending our behaviour; We have developed our emotional intelligence.

Practice and strive constantly.

It is not possible to become emotionally intelligent in the short term, but it is possible with a lot of effort, patience and practice.

Emotional smartness

How is emotional intelligence measured?

Several assessments have been made to measure levels of this intelligence. Most of these evaluations are used to identify potential leaders in the organization. The most common types are self-reports and ability tests. The self-report test focuses on the respondents’ responses or statements to assess their behaviour. Aptitude tests force respondents to take tests to assess their ability to understand, identify, control, and manage different situations.

The Caruso Salovey Mayer Test (MSCEIT) is an ability-based test that measures the four branches of the Mayer and Salovi EI Model. In this test, test takers perform tasks designed to assess their ability to understand, identify, and manage emotions.

The Emotional and Social Competence Questionnaire (ESCI) is based on an older tool called the Self-Assessment Questionnaire and includes people who know the person. These people categorize that person’s abilities into several different emotional characteristics. This test is designed to assess the social and emotional abilities that help identify individuals as strong leaders. In addition to the above, there are many unofficial online resources for testing this smart information.

Examples of emotional intelligence in movies

Movies that can evoke people’s emotions are very powerful. By watching these videos, people learn how to manage emotions in real life. Here are some specific examples of domains of intelligence in several types:

Inside outside

This Pixar masterpiece is a great display of emotional intelligence. All the colorful characters represent the true feelings of a girl going through a difficult period in her life. This movie teaches children that emotions are important and they should always be happy. Educating children about the cause of their emotions is a great start to learning how to deal with them.

In pursuit of happiness

The movie is based on a true story. Throughout the film, the characters demonstrate self-management, commitment, empathy, social skills, and relationship building. The ability of the main character to overcome very difficult situations shows her incredible perseverance. Additionally, examples of poor emotional intelligence are seen in the film. The main character’s wife’s lack of empathy when she left them to take care of herself is a clear example.


This film depicts horror, resilience, empathy, and self-management. The main character creates a safe environment for her children by managing their emotional reactions to the difficult situations that he and his children live in.


Throughout the film, self-awareness is fixed. In this movie, the main character shows very low levels of self-awareness during his journey to regain his former glory. Personal growth arises from the context of self-awareness, without which the development of emotional intelligence is impossible.

Examples of high and low emotional intelligence


Scenario: You are in a meeting and a boss criticizes you in front of your other colleagues.

High EQ: Keep calm, then express your feelings with confidence in a safe environment.

Low EQ: You might be defensive and leave the office.

Scenario: Your roommate tells you that by forgetting to leave the trash outside the room, you are hurting his feelings.

High intelligence: Explain to him why he forgot and then try not to cause this problem again.

Low EQ: You can’t understand why they are angry and you attack them when they hear criticism.

Self conscious

Scenario: You and your colleague have the same promotion terms, but the company promotes them for you.

High IQ: With a little thought, you’ll realize that if you were true to yourself, you wouldn’t have tried as hard as your colleague, and his promotion would have made sense.

Low EQ: You can angrily email your boss, then quit while on demand.


Scenario: You passed the exam and posted about it on social media.

High intelligence: You are proud that you achieved your goal and appreciate the support you received.

Low EQ: You may question your success or value; Because your post did not receive many likes.

Social skills

Scenario: You’re on a date and it doesn’t seem to be going well.

High intelligence: You ask conceptual questions and practice active listening as well as good eye contact.

Low EQ: You may no longer pay attention to the conversation and leave the conversation.

levels of emotional intelligence

Emotional awareness

The first step in recognizing feelings is to accurately understand them. In many cases, this can include understanding nonverbal cues such as body language and facial expressions.

Arguing with emotions

The second stage involves using emotions to enhance thinking and cognitive activities. Emotional reasoning helps prioritize matters of interest and reaction.

Emotional smartness

Understand feelings

The emotions that humans perceive can have a wide range of meanings. If someone expresses his angry feelings, the observer must explain the reason for the person’s anger and what it means. Sometimes the cause of anger is related to the person, while in some cases it may have to do with other factors.

Emotion management

The ability to effectively manage emotions is an important part of this intelligence. Emotion management is the most important part of this intelligence. Adjusting and responding appropriately to your own emotions, as well as responding to the emotions of others, are important aspects of managing emotions.

The four branches of this model are arranged with more basic and complex processes at lower levels and more advanced processes at higher levels; For example, lower levels in this section involve understanding and expressing feelings, while higher levels require more conscious engagement and involve the regulation of emotions.

How to strengthen your emotional intelligence?

Observe the behavior of others

People can spend time during the week paying close attention to the interactions around them. People can listen to what others are saying through words, body language, and facial expressions. Observing how people use and react to emotions can help fine-tune their ability to empathize.

Pay attention to yourself

Although effective in observing the behavior and interactions of others, observing one’s feelings and reactions can also increase one’s emotional awareness. People need to be aware of how their emotions influence their decisions and behaviors; For example, a person may be reluctant to talk to others when stressed, or they may find themselves bowing their heads and shoulders when they are feeling sad or discouraged.

Reply and respond to others

People need to practice and work with others based on how they perceive their feelings. A helpful way to make decisions when responding is for people to look at themselves and see how they would act in similar situations. Of course, they have to keep in mind that others do not always have the same reactions.

For example, a person may enjoy talking about their feelings with others when they are feeling anxious or stressed; Others may prefer to process their emotions on their own. Therefore, if they are unsure, they can be asked about other people’s preferences.

Learn from your mistakes

If a person realizes that he misinterpreted a certain feeling or did not choose the right way to deal with the feelings of others, he should learn from his mistakes and act differently next time in that situation. Creating relationships through empathy, communication, and active listening helps people become valuable team members in an organization.

Increased emotional intelligence in any situation deepens a person’s levels of cognition and function. Improvement plays an important role in empathy, social skills, self-awareness, motivation and self-regulation of every human being. The fact that emotional intelligence can be developed made it more attractive; Because people can modify or improve it.



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