In fact, lying is a normal part of children growing up. In fact, children under the age of 5 often talk big, because they can’t distinguish fact from fantasy, big talk is completely different from lying; children over 5 years old no longer have big talk, they will because Lies for various reasons.
2-4 years old: love to talk big
Why Children Lie: Children at this age have rich imaginations and live in a fantasy world, so they often say rambling things. When you take your child home from the park, he tells you that he saw unicorns in the park. He didn’t mean to deceive you. From another angle, this shows that his intelligence is still in the stage of continuous development. Your child can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake, nor can he separate his dreams from real life.
Some children also said that some minor panics were because they were afraid of their parents’ scolding and punishment. They blame imaginary friends and tell their parents that they did the wrong thing. They lied because they knew they would upset their parents by being naughty.
What to do when you hear a lie: Punishing a child of this age for lying is not only pointless, it may have a negative effect.
In fact, your tirade of honesty and integrity is just on deaf ears to a child of this age; punishment doesn’t make him know what the problem is. Moreover, he will definitely not want to let you know about those naughty things in the future. So, paying more attention to his bad behavior will be better. You can tell your child, “I know you don’t want to tell me the truth because you’re afraid I’m upset. But I saw you hit the kid. If you’re polite to him next time, I think he’ll take his toy. for you to play.
Also, explaining to your child that what he wants doesn’t mean it belongs to him. If your child gets a toy he likes at the mall and says it’s his own, tell him clearly, “I know you really, really want to have this toy, but it doesn’t really belong to you, it belongs to the mall. .” Slowly, the child will learn to separate fact from fantasy. However, if you pay too much attention to your child’s little lies, it will more or less stifle the child’s imagination.
Rather than debunk your child’s lies, think of it as an opportunity for your child to learn language skills. Parents certainly don’t want to suppress their children’s fantasies, because with fantasies, there will be creativity.
Therefore, the only thing parents should do is to ensure that their children’s fantasies do not harm themselves and others. For example, parents can teach their children to believe in Santa Claus, but they must teach their children that people cannot fly, not even with wings. If the child’s words are always out of bounds, then the parents had better tell the child “The Wolf is Coming!” ” story, let children know that it is important to be honest with others.
The reasons that lead children to “lie” usually include the following:
- Inability to distinguish fact from imagination
When children are around 3 years old, they are full of imagination, but they have not yet been able to discern the truth of things, and often say things that are imagined as real things. For example, a little boy wants to have a puppy, so he might say “I have a beautiful puppy” to you, and the adult sounds like the child is lying. In fact, the child did not do it on purpose.
- The development of cognitive ability is immature
When a child is young and small, the things he observes and experiences are naturally different from those of adults. As a result, his words sometimes seem exaggerated, such as: “I have a balloon as big as a house at home”.
- In order to avoid something
Children who don’t want to go to kindergarten or don’t want to eat breakfast often say to their parents, “My stomach hurts”, “I’m full, and I’ll vomit if I eat more.” Sometimes fear of punishment also lies.
- In order to attract attention
Children have the characteristic of affirming their own existence through the attention of others. If in the child’s experience, being honest is more likely to arouse the concern of adults, the child may use this method to attract the attention of others.
- Bad example
Children are small and cannot judge what is right or wrong. If a parent’s usual conversations reveal a lie, such as “I’ll be late for work in the future, I’ll brag that the car is off work.” Children think that parents can lie, and children can lie too.
- Easy to be insinuated by others
Parents should not ask their children with suggestive questions, such as “Did you swallow a glass marble?” To this suggestive question, many children will answer “yes.” If you patiently ask your child, “Where did the marbles go?” The child will point under the table and tell you “the marbles rolled under the table”.
To prevent children from “lying”, parents must first lead by example. Usually, you should pay more attention to your child’s life, and your requirements for your child should be realistic. If your child does something wrong, you should do research and encourage them to establish positive behaviors.
The fact that children often lie is directly related to their parents. Maybe children do not lie at the beginning, but when they are criticized or violent when they tell the truth, they will try to get rid of such criticism or violence, so they learn to lie slowly, maybe in the process of lying. Through false praise or recognition from parents or others, children have experienced the joy of lying from lying. So over time, children are accustomed to lying, and lying becomes an unchangeable reality.
Lying: When a child tells a lie, intentionally or unintentionally. According to a survey, about 50% of children in our country start lying at the age of 3, and more than 70% of children at the age of 9 tell a lie. It can be seen that lying is a common behavior of children.
For children who are still in their infancy, because they can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy, their “lying” is actually a product of self-imagination. It is an unrealistic “lie” that has little to do with honesty or dishonesty. Therefore, teachers and parents do not need to pay attention to the lying of children in early childhood, as long as they provide a little guidance. When children reach school age, lying is often conscious, and we must pay close attention to the falsehoods of some of them during this period. What I will talk about below refers to the lying behavior of children after entering school. Based on my years of observation, I have summarized the reasons for children’s lying and the corrective measures:
Reason 1: To escape unpleasant reality
This kind of lying is a kind of self-protection behavior to avoid criticism or punishment from parents and teachers. For example, a classmate destroys something, does not perform well in school, steals something from a child, etc. If you tell the truth, waiting for them is often It is severe criticism and even punishment from parents and teachers. In order to escape this unpleasant reality, they will resort to lying to protect themselves. Especially in front of demanding teachers or parents, they are more likely to lie. At this time, if parents and teachers pursue their lies relentlessly and insist on getting to the bottom of it, they will be prompted to become more sophisticated at lying time and time again, forming a vicious circle, and some teenagers will end up committing crimes. the way.
Strategy 1: Trust each other and give children enough love
When teachers and parents encounter a child lying, it is very important to first understand why he is lying. Generally speaking, children do not like to lie in front of more forgiving adults. Therefore, we should strive to establish a close relationship with children. relationship of mutual trust. When children tell the truth, we must not reprimand or even punish them in a vicious manner. On the contrary, we should talk to them kindly and use love to dispel doubts in their hearts, so that they can understand the dangers of lying and know the truth of honesty. Valuable, educate them not to lie in the future.
In the class, there was once a student Tang, whose parents divorced and lived with his father. However, because of his alcoholism, his father did not care enough about his children. When he found out that Tang’s grades were not good, he fought against him. Therefore, the student never dared to tell his father what happened at school. Once, the student broke a pair of glasses of a classmate, and the classmate demanded compensation, but today he said that his father was on a business trip. Later, when I contacted his parents, I found out that he did not tell my father about this at all. The reason for his lying-fear of being beaten and scolded by his father. I had a patient communication with the child and told him the dangers of lying. As for the pair of glasses, they can still be used if they are repaired, as long as they are repaired for their classmates. At the same time, I also found the father of the child and told him the real reason why the child lied. I hope that he will improve the method of educating the child in the future, and pay more attention, understanding and trust to the child, so that the child will dare to tell his parents when he does something wrong. Otherwise, it will only cause the child to lie more times. After communication, the child’s father changed his behavior, and the child’s lying phenomenon also changed.
Reason 2: To improve your status
Lying is to put yourself in a favorable position in your dealings with children, teachers, and parents. For example, a classmate said that his grades were not good, but he told his peers how good he was in the test; he knew his family’s economic conditions were average, but he always said in front of his friends how rich his family was; obviously he had never been to a certain place. Traveling, but boasting that they have traveled to a certain place and seen what scenery; some people will brag about how big their father was as an official and how he had status in society, etc. Although this kind of lying is only temporary, it will not cause any serious consequences.
Countermeasure 2: Guide children to establish correct values
Because of the formation of self-values, children are affected in many ways, especially the values of parents have the greatest influence on children. Therefore, parents should pay attention to the right and wrong values they usually show. If all parents pursue, talk about, and admire are all about social status and material wealth, their children will inevitably be affected. status and create all kinds of lies in front of other children. Adults should have a good image in front of children, and at the same time teach children that there is no need for such vain lying. In particular, this lie will always be exposed one day. At that time, the behavior of improving one’s status will attract more contempt from people.
Reason 3: Mimicry Lies
In the homes of these elementary school students, if their parents often lie, most of the children will not be honest. Some parents often do not tell the truth in front of their children. For example, when a phone call comes, the father says to the child, “If someone calls for me, say I’m not there”. Also, if these grownups like to exaggerate and blow a trivial thing into hype. Affected by this, children will imitate unknowingly, imitating adults to brag and lie.
Strategy 3 : lead by example
Therefore, we should remind parents to do deep reflection on this. To educate these elementary school students not to lie, parents should first lead by example. When hearing children exaggerate, adults can’t let it go, and should correct them in time to clarify the facts.
There was once such a student who often lied. He was clearly doing little tricks in class. The teacher reminded him, but he refused to admit it. Sometimes the teacher asked him to do something, but he replied that he had not done his homework even though he was free. Done…why is all his words untrue? It turned out that his parents also often lied to him or in front of him. In response to this situation, the teacher got in touch with his parents and told them what the child did and why. After listening to my words, the parents expressed their willingness to work with their children to get rid of the bad habit of lying, set an example for their children, and set an example for their children. After more than a semester, the children’s lying has become less and less. happy for him.
Reason 4: Rebellious Lies
This kind of lying is often particularly prominent when individual children are dissatisfied. When parents or teachers ask them to help with something, although they are free, they are unwilling to do it, and they make up the reason why they have a lot of things to do. , refusing the request of parents or teachers, this kind of lying is usually an accidental phenomenon, and it mostly happens when parents or teachers ask them to do things they don’t want to do, or when they are dissatisfied with teachers or parents in their hearts. Therefore, as adults, we should first reflect on our own attitudes and practices, understand why children are dissatisfied with things, and educate them accordingly.
Countermeasure 4: Appropriate punishment for children’s mistakes
When discovering that the child has made a mistake, teachers and parents must first suppress their anger and educate their children in anger, which is often prone to impatience. It is time to think about why the child made a mistake. If the child makes a mistake because of naughty, curiosity, or negligence, don’t be too harsh on the child, but patiently point out to the child where the mistake is and what to do; if the child’s mistake really should be punished, or the old mistake is repeated, and Consider whether your child has admitted a mistake. If he can voluntarily admit it, he should reduce the punishment, and explain that the reason for this is the result of his voluntarily admitting his mistake; if he does not voluntarily admit it and still gets away with it, the punishment should be heavier, and tell him that he has committed one more crime. Mistake – Lying or cheating.
Reason 5: Lying for Retaliation
When children feel that they have been treated unfairly or wronged, some children will resort to a retaliatory lie. For example, a child has a chronic bad relationship with another child, or is often bullied by that child. He could have deliberately lied to the teacher out of revenge, saying what bad things the kid did, what bad things he said, etc. In this regard, we must find out the truth of the matter, and must not draw conclusions lightly to wrong children. Otherwise, children will lose trust in all adults, and will lie more and more.
Strategy 5: Give children enough respect
Generally speaking, children who are respected by their families and who can vent their complaints at will are generally more honest; on the contrary, children under strict parental discipline have less closeness to their parents and more fear They often lie and deceive in order to avoid scolding. When a child is found to be dishonest, he does not necessarily have to ask the truth, and he does not necessarily have to ask the child to admit that he lied, especially in front of guests and the child’s companion. In front of outsiders, the child has to admit. There are only two consequences of lying by oneself: one is that the child “resists to the end” and refuses to admit it; the other is that the child admits his mistake, but his self-esteem is greatly damaged. 5-year-olds feel shame and guilt if their lies are exposed – morality is formed.
If you find that the child is lying or cheating, don’t expose him or criticize him in public. You can quietly call him aside and talk to him alone. One is to point out that he is lying, and the adults already know the truth; the other is to tell him to give him this time A chance for correction, not to expose criticism in public, nor to tell the parents or others who will punish him; 3. Clarify the danger of lying and deceit, and warn him at the same time: next time is not an example; 4. I believe that he will do well in the future.
Faced with the above-mentioned reasons for lying, parents should be calm and targeted. Parents should set an example and be honest in their conduct. When a child makes a mistake, parents should not blindly reprimand, beat and scold, but should be emotional and understand, so that if the child makes another mistake, he will not lie out of fear.
5-7 years old: avoid reprimand
Why children lie: As children approach school age, they realize that lying is a great way to solve a problem or avoid punishment. Because children make their lies more believable, their lies are better processed. A 6-year-old already knows that if he tells his teacher that his homework was eaten by a dog, the teacher won’t believe it, but if he says “I’m sick, so I didn’t do my homework,” he might be able to get away with it.
There is no doubt that the child will continue to improve his deception skills and test the limits of his deception. At this time, the “killer” of parents is not to let the child escape triumphantly because he said panic and solved the problem. Moreover, when parents instill the virtue of honesty in their children, it is best to lead by example, be honest in front of their children as much as possible, and not lie. In addition, let the children know that the intimacy between people is based on mutual trust.
What to do if you hear a lie: Tell your child that sometimes white lies are done so as not to hurt other people’s feelings.
However, when you find out that your child is lying just to cover up his mistakes and wrongdoings, you should tell him immediately and clearly that you will not allow him to lie like this. It is very important for children to have a clear parental stance. Should a child be punished for lying? maybe.
If the child is lying about whether he has brushed his teeth, parents can remind him to brush his teeth quickly, and check and supervise him more in the future. Slowly, the child will stop lying about brushing problems. Conversely, if the parents scolded the child for these innocuous lies, or even punished him, then these actions of the parents can make the child become a better master of lies. Therefore, it should be said that punishing children is a last resort.
If your child stole someone else’s toys or did other extremely bad things and lied to you in order to cover up the behavior, then this is the time when the child must be punished and let him know that the first day of deprivation He got the right to watch cartoons because of his actions, and the next day because he lied. However, parents should understand that punishment does not make a child immediately aware of his mistake; it takes time and parental trust for a child to actually correct a mistake.